A few days ago, I got a chance to meet a bunch of my old friends from the college and I wondered how negative their views were regarding marriage. Many of them were avoiding the marriage because they don’t want their life to get harder. Is marriage all about it? Making everything difficult? Then why is this even exist? Just to increase the population? Well! I don’t think that should be the answer to this question, especially in India 😛
After all that talking, I thought to share a few tips which I learnt from my experience and from others too. So today, I am going to do that.
If you think logically about what marriage is, it is basically building some new relations. With your spouse, his/her parents, cousins, uncle, aunts, niece and list may go on and on. It may be a nightmare for some but for others, it is just a chance to meet and know all these people and live with some. So what is the problem?
I am gonna list some actual problems which I think you must be thinking about too.
Cooking and Household Chores
One of the problems these days girls are having is that they don’t want to stay all the time at home, cook all the three meals, tea and snacks, do laundry and tonnes of other household chores. They may like to work outside and earn their own living and also would like to spend some time with their friends or have trips with them whereas most of the time, it is expected from a wife or a daughter in law that she will take care of the home and every member living in it. Now, this is an actual problem and no single member can solve it. Cooking and household chores are the need and responsibility of every single person living in a home and there is no doubt that every person should participate in it. But if you are a girl and have this fear, I have some few tips for you.
- Learn some of the cooking and household chores. You don’t need to be perfect in it, but suppose you are living in an apartment in some other country. You will definitely need to know some basics. You can’t just completely dependent upon someone. This is a tip for both boys and girls. Being independent for your basic needs will really help you grow and solve a lot of problems.
- Another tip is to communicate. Most of the time, we let the other person over expect from us because we try to be too good to impress them at the beginning of the relation. Let’s try to be real. Don’t act like too good and not even too bad. Be genuine, understand the other person’s problem and convey yours too honestly.
- Earn your own living. If you are not financially dependent upon someone and can even contribute to the expenditures, there will naturally be more chances of your getting respected and listened to.
You mother in law is not treating you as your mother do
Well, let’s be straight here, your mother in law is not your mother. She may not like you getting up late in the morning, or chatting all the time with your friends and be lazy with your household chores and a few more. But your mother in law, father in law, or all in-laws are human beings. Relate this one with your new school or a new office. When you joined a new school or a got a new job, not every person was welcoming. There were already groups which were hard to get in, some were giving you horror looks, and the work you had to manage was even worse. But with time, you still managed to make some friends, enjoyed lunch and coffee with them and got an appreciation for your work. With a little effort and social skills, your in-laws will be your friends too and you will get a lot of appreciation. So, when you get 5 appreciations, a 6th mistake can be overlooked too. So be cool and live happily.
Relation with your spouse
If it is not your love marriage, chances are you will also get to know your partner well after your marriage. Now, there is no one rule to have a good relationship with your partner, because this one person plays the most important role in your married life, so handle with care. A good communication can make it easy. It is different for each case, but a few tips I would love to give are :
- Start with the most important things in your lives, can be your relationship with your parents, your career, travelling, or your any other goal or dream.
- How you can support your spouse and how do you expect him to support you.
- Share your weaknesses and try to be as much real as you can.
- Enjoy the similarities and respect the differences.
- The discussion may also include financials, family plannings etc to keep the things more clear.
I don’t know if you and your family are already against it, but if you are not, I am gonna give you a reason to be one. When you involve too many gifts or money in your marriage, the love gets faded in the brightness of these gifts. You may think, how does that matter even when your in-laws are liking those gifts, but if they are, they may always like them more than you. So if you keep those gifts as less as possible, you would get to know the real intention of everyone which is the base of every relation.
Some people also avoid marriage because they don’t want more responsibilities in their lives. But I think, it is a part of growing up in life. Handling responsibilities don’t make you overloaded, it makes you strong and helps you to take the right decisions in your life. It is about knowing more people and learning from them. It is spreading happiness and sharing the pain. And moreover, life is a challenge, if you will avoid one, the other will come.
I am not writing this all to convince you to get married. If you like your life without it more and have some other goals. It is completely fine to delay it or cancel it at all in your life. My motive to write this all is to free you from all the fears you may have regarding marriage.
I am also aware of the facts that sometimes the intentions of the husband/wife or the in-laws are wrong, they can be greedy or just want to keep the girl as a servant in their house. My advice for those cases is that if you smell any such intention, LEAVE. But one bad experience doesn’t end the life, it is much more than that. It would take some time to heal the wounds, but there will be a beautiful dawn if you just keep on hustling. 🙂
If you have any other question or tip to make your married life better, feel free to share in the comments. 🙂